It has been many months since a post. here goes...
there has been a LOT of death and gloom and overall garbage that has sort of floated it's way up to the surface lately, at least in my little corner of the universe.
anyways children, things are well besides the fact that we are all, ya know, slowly dying and we can't go back and every new morning puts us one day closer to the end-all be-all dirt nap and there are some of us who have done absolutely nothing with ourselves and our time here (or at least this time around, depending upon what you believe).
I guess in a slowwww roundabout way the point is that we all need to figure out some way to leave some kind of mark. Big or small, something.
How, you may ask? Well, there's lots of ways.
Some of us could become killers or arsonists
Some of us maybe artists - leave that lasting print perpetual
Some of us have families, because some of us think that having a family is enough of a mark.
Some of us write
Some of us go hunting Mongolian death worms or making up fake animals by using misspellings or faulty space bar taps in mid sentence on facebook chat.
anyways...
that's all i've got for now.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Things in trees and stuff and junk
----------start transmission------------
It's been a while since I've been on here. But I'm back. To get you up to date....
itub sales have have tanked, the company has gone under, and the acting president is holed up in well, a hole, in his backyard. But hey, it was fun while it lasted. Broken Spleenotronic Funtime Factories™ will surely be releasing a new line of fantastic products to capitalize on the ever-impending holiday season, just as soon as the aforementioned company president gets his shit together.
Haven't really exercised my literary chops (thats writing know-how or complete and utter lack thereof) since the last post about Maxx and Lerr who, to those of you who are following (thanks lonely stalker friend from Ohio), will be making a second appearance very soon.
Michael Hutchence was STILL a genius.
And I still am actively recruiting for another MDW expedition...
What's been up?
wellllllll....................
ya likey the new blog background? It full of books cuz books are for smart people cuz i'm a smart people cuz... smart.. people.
after much debate within the board of owners and the shareholders, the blog has a new name. we went with "blather and drone". Why? because it sounds only slightly better then "complete waste of time" or "wtf is this guy going on about". Also because blather and drone, when used together, are two of my favorite words.
Most importantly...
I saw three piles of pink vomit on Light street yesterday as I was strolling along (cuz that's what I do, I stroll...) making my way to the Ole Bird. The piles - or maybe smatterings is a better word - each decreased in size at the same proportionate amount to the pile/smatter before it. I began to wonder... is this art?
It was kinda art. For puke. I mean it was very colorful. Pink mostly with the same reocurring pattern of longer yellow bits in each little pile. Like hay mixed with used big league chew and spittle.
also... ya like ghosts? graveyards? rednecks? dead kids in colonial garb? mongolian death worms? how bout a combination of all of these things!!! No death worms tho, i'm afraid.... from my friends over at the phantom kangaroo, watch this spoOOOoooky video...
AAHHHHHHH!!! Dead kids that jump real high and fall out of trees!!!
-------------End Transmission-------------
It's been a while since I've been on here. But I'm back. To get you up to date....
itub sales have have tanked, the company has gone under, and the acting president is holed up in well, a hole, in his backyard. But hey, it was fun while it lasted. Broken Spleenotronic Funtime Factories™ will surely be releasing a new line of fantastic products to capitalize on the ever-impending holiday season, just as soon as the aforementioned company president gets his shit together.
Haven't really exercised my literary chops (thats writing know-how or complete and utter lack thereof) since the last post about Maxx and Lerr who, to those of you who are following (thanks lonely stalker friend from Ohio), will be making a second appearance very soon.
Michael Hutchence was STILL a genius.
And I still am actively recruiting for another MDW expedition...
What's been up?
wellllllll....................
ya likey the new blog background? It full of books cuz books are for smart people cuz i'm a smart people cuz... smart.. people.
after much debate within the board of owners and the shareholders, the blog has a new name. we went with "blather and drone". Why? because it sounds only slightly better then "complete waste of time" or "wtf is this guy going on about". Also because blather and drone, when used together, are two of my favorite words.
Most importantly...
I saw three piles of pink vomit on Light street yesterday as I was strolling along (cuz that's what I do, I stroll...) making my way to the Ole Bird. The piles - or maybe smatterings is a better word - each decreased in size at the same proportionate amount to the pile/smatter before it. I began to wonder... is this art?
It was kinda art. For puke. I mean it was very colorful. Pink mostly with the same reocurring pattern of longer yellow bits in each little pile. Like hay mixed with used big league chew and spittle.
also... ya like ghosts? graveyards? rednecks? dead kids in colonial garb? mongolian death worms? how bout a combination of all of these things!!! No death worms tho, i'm afraid.... from my friends over at the phantom kangaroo, watch this spoOOOoooky video...
AAHHHHHHH!!! Dead kids that jump real high and fall out of trees!!!
-------------End Transmission-------------
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Lerr and Max 1 ruff ruff ruff
this is the roughest of rough rough ruff ruff drafts, inspired by a boot i saw on the side of 97 this morning...
The alarm starts in way too early. Lerr has been meaning to buy another one. The constant repeating screeching of that damn clock has been driving him crazy every morning for the last ten years or so. It’s funny how the things that seem most important early in the day become nothing more then an afterthought as the day progresses. Regardless, Lerr reaches across Nancy, who is starting to slowly stir to life, and hits the snooze bar. Hard. Another early start. He’ll be working outdoors today, clearing the fields and prepping the chipper. The best thing about today is that Lerr gets to work with Max. Max and Lerr go back a ways. They’ve worked together before and between them they have the most experience on the crew. It’ll be a good day. If he can just get out of bed…
Nancy’s not in bed when Lerr gets out of the shower. He can smell the bacon and the strong scent of coffee brewing. At least she’s good for something he thinks. Lerr and Nancy have been together for a long time. Too long. He’s been looking for a good reason to end the relationship. He would’ve done it long ago had it not been for the twin girls. Max has been in his ear for years now about getting out of the relationship. Max never liked her. And Lerr was starting to come around…
He did love the girls, even though they were a drain on his wallet and his sanity. He enjoyed them a lot right after their births, but lately, just like his wife, Lerr has been growing both bored and frustrated. Max and Lerr have had a lot of little chit chats about his situation lately. That’s probably why Lerr likes Max so much. Max provided Lerr with a sense of escape, of what Lerr’s life could be like if he were more like Max. Alone and independent.
Running late as usual. His shower ran a bit longer since he sort of fell asleep leaning on the wall. It’s so tough to get out, especially when it’s so damn cold outside. Even more so when the hot water washing away the whiskey from last night. Lerr had asked Nancy to pack a lunch for him and Max last night, as he fumbled threw his dirty clothes pile he made himself a mental note to be sure to grab the lunches on the way out the door.
The alarm starts in way too early. Lerr has been meaning to buy another one. The constant repeating screeching of that damn clock has been driving him crazy every morning for the last ten years or so. It’s funny how the things that seem most important early in the day become nothing more then an afterthought as the day progresses. Regardless, Lerr reaches across Nancy, who is starting to slowly stir to life, and hits the snooze bar. Hard. Another early start. He’ll be working outdoors today, clearing the fields and prepping the chipper. The best thing about today is that Lerr gets to work with Max. Max and Lerr go back a ways. They’ve worked together before and between them they have the most experience on the crew. It’ll be a good day. If he can just get out of bed…
Nancy’s not in bed when Lerr gets out of the shower. He can smell the bacon and the strong scent of coffee brewing. At least she’s good for something he thinks. Lerr and Nancy have been together for a long time. Too long. He’s been looking for a good reason to end the relationship. He would’ve done it long ago had it not been for the twin girls. Max has been in his ear for years now about getting out of the relationship. Max never liked her. And Lerr was starting to come around…
He did love the girls, even though they were a drain on his wallet and his sanity. He enjoyed them a lot right after their births, but lately, just like his wife, Lerr has been growing both bored and frustrated. Max and Lerr have had a lot of little chit chats about his situation lately. That’s probably why Lerr likes Max so much. Max provided Lerr with a sense of escape, of what Lerr’s life could be like if he were more like Max. Alone and independent.
Running late as usual. His shower ran a bit longer since he sort of fell asleep leaning on the wall. It’s so tough to get out, especially when it’s so damn cold outside. Even more so when the hot water washing away the whiskey from last night. Lerr had asked Nancy to pack a lunch for him and Max last night, as he fumbled threw his dirty clothes pile he made himself a mental note to be sure to grab the lunches on the way out the door.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
....
How's a homeless guy gonna have a cell phone?
Since when are the Girl Scouts in the wet cement business?
Oil
What's the deal (sounding very Seinfeldian) with the little bumps on my fingers?
What happened to Del Davis? Something about christmas trees?
The Pope
Fedoras are the new "baseball" cap
60 is the new 40
Cancer
glurg blurp bleep ringadingdingdingydoo
Since when are the Girl Scouts in the wet cement business?
Oil
What's the deal (sounding very Seinfeldian) with the little bumps on my fingers?
What happened to Del Davis? Something about christmas trees?
The Pope
Fedoras are the new "baseball" cap
60 is the new 40
Cancer
glurg blurp bleep ringadingdingdingydoo
Friday, May 14, 2010
Poor Frank...
Let me start by apologizing for my horrendous punctuation below, I'm awful - woeful even - at quotations and comma placement....
3 older people (2 ladies, 1 gentleman) in line at the bagel place, they decide to get a dozen bagels, and it begins....
"well, I dunno, what kind should we get," says lady one, looking at lady 2 and then glancing back at me and the other person in line.
"oh gosh, I don't know either," says lady two, turning to look at the guy, who was reading the little City Paper "BEST OF THE CITY" blurb framed on the wall by the side door.
Feeling eyes on him, burning through his 1980's Members Only windbreaker, he turns to his ladies, "I'm sorry, what now?" says he.
"Bagels Frank, Bagels" says lady 2 with a scowl as she points at the bagel case in front of a seemingly incoherent and lost Frank, "BAGELS."
Frank, looks back at lady 2 (one can only assume that Frank and Lady 2 are married and have been so for some time, "I don't care what kind of bagels you get, I didn't even want a bagel."
Lady 2 gives Frank an evil look, one that he's probably seen a countless number of times before, and turn back to Lady 1, "ok Nanc, you pick 6 and I'll pick 6, (turning to Frank) Frank doesn't want a bagel," she adds with a heavy dose of condescending sarcasm.
Lady 1, looking past her companions and at the growing line of people behind them, and seemingly shaken by the fact that she is now in charge of actually making some sort of decision, glances at Frank, as if to say "thanks a lot Frank", and peers into the bagel case.
A few awkward seconds of silence and indecision ensue, the two ladies bouncing up down, away from and up to, squatting, standing on tippytoes to see everything in the bagel case.
My friend Dorothy, the bagel lady looking at them with growing impatience....
At long last.... "Let's see, I guess I'd like a few jalapeno bagels and ---" "no, no, Nancy, don't get jalapeno, they upset my stomach," says lady 2.
"are you planning on eating all of them, Mare?" says Frank, clearly happy with himself because he was able to get a dig in on his life partner.
Lady 2 (Mary, or Mare, apparently) gives Frank that all too familiar look of death.
"Fine!" she yells, "Nancy, you just pick them all, I'm going outside, (turning to a cowering Frank) Come on Frank" and she storms out.
Poor Nancy is left to decide all on her own. She looks back at the ten-or-twelve-deep- line of customers all glaring at her, and she changes her mind, grabs a banana, drops a dollar on the counter, and heads out the door.....
3 older people (2 ladies, 1 gentleman) in line at the bagel place, they decide to get a dozen bagels, and it begins....
"well, I dunno, what kind should we get," says lady one, looking at lady 2 and then glancing back at me and the other person in line.
"oh gosh, I don't know either," says lady two, turning to look at the guy, who was reading the little City Paper "BEST OF THE CITY" blurb framed on the wall by the side door.
Feeling eyes on him, burning through his 1980's Members Only windbreaker, he turns to his ladies, "I'm sorry, what now?" says he.
"Bagels Frank, Bagels" says lady 2 with a scowl as she points at the bagel case in front of a seemingly incoherent and lost Frank, "BAGELS."
Frank, looks back at lady 2 (one can only assume that Frank and Lady 2 are married and have been so for some time, "I don't care what kind of bagels you get, I didn't even want a bagel."
Lady 2 gives Frank an evil look, one that he's probably seen a countless number of times before, and turn back to Lady 1, "ok Nanc, you pick 6 and I'll pick 6, (turning to Frank) Frank doesn't want a bagel," she adds with a heavy dose of condescending sarcasm.
Lady 1, looking past her companions and at the growing line of people behind them, and seemingly shaken by the fact that she is now in charge of actually making some sort of decision, glances at Frank, as if to say "thanks a lot Frank", and peers into the bagel case.
A few awkward seconds of silence and indecision ensue, the two ladies bouncing up down, away from and up to, squatting, standing on tippytoes to see everything in the bagel case.
My friend Dorothy, the bagel lady looking at them with growing impatience....
At long last.... "Let's see, I guess I'd like a few jalapeno bagels and ---" "no, no, Nancy, don't get jalapeno, they upset my stomach," says lady 2.
"are you planning on eating all of them, Mare?" says Frank, clearly happy with himself because he was able to get a dig in on his life partner.
Lady 2 (Mary, or Mare, apparently) gives Frank that all too familiar look of death.
"Fine!" she yells, "Nancy, you just pick them all, I'm going outside, (turning to a cowering Frank) Come on Frank" and she storms out.
Poor Nancy is left to decide all on her own. She looks back at the ten-or-twelve-deep- line of customers all glaring at her, and she changes her mind, grabs a banana, drops a dollar on the counter, and heads out the door.....
Monday, May 3, 2010
In Search of the Mongolian Death Worm...
Apparently, deep in the Gobi Desert, somewhere along the border of Mongolia and China, lives this most wonderful, happy little creature known, lovingly, as the Mongolian Death Worm. How does this little bugger share its affections with you? Well by spraying you with either it's skin-eating acid venom or by frying you instantly with it's charming little electrical discharge of course. The following is a second hand (or maybe third or fourth hand) description of this little rascal....
Czech Explorer Ivan Mackerle described the animal from reports as: "Sausage-like worm over half a meter (20 inches) long, and thick as a man's arm, resembling the intestine of cattle. Its tail is short, as [if] it were cut off, but not tapered. It is difficult to tell its head from its tail because it has no visible eyes, nostrils or mouth. Its colour is dark red, like blood or salami..."
Anyway, I'm interested in leading an expedition out that way. My map shows that Mongolia is just west of Ohio, and the internet concurs. So I think we can knock this trip out over just a few days.
Any takers????
Monday, April 12, 2010
merry christmas Morla
is it out of line to wish people a Merry Christmas in the middle of April? I think that that would be funny. Am I wrong?
Not likely my lovelies....
"well, the psychic visions are worsening as we grow closer to Alma. She's already won, she just doesn't know it yet."
I think I could be really good friends with Morla. If I could just find her old ass. Every friggin time I find myself trudging my merry way through the swamps of sadness - every single time - I get distracted by my drowning pack animal and friggin Falcor scoops me up and away we go.
I'm really starting to thing that the two of them are in cahoots.
I have nothing else to report here at faraway global headquarters. Itub sales are down 99.5% but hey, it's all about the time of year and the number of units that we did move. The old people conspiracy is alive and well and growing all the time.
that is all
-------end transmission
btw, i think it would be really neat if my neighbor on one side was Spaceghost, on the other was Brak, and across the street was the Oblongs....
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